Tag: overcome

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The Virus that Shall Not Be Named

It has honestly been so long since I have blogged and I am just so frustrated about it.  How did I let it go on so long?  How did I walk away from something I love doing?  Life, man….that’s life!  My father called me a couple of weeks ago and read a blog to me that I recognized as my own.  My Aunt Wilma had printed it up for him and he loved it so much he said he wanted to frame it.  That blog, Southern Comfort, was a catalyst for our epic trip and actually for how much our father-daughter relationship has improved so much in the last several years.

Life has definitely been a whirlwind for the last couple of years!  I think my last post was about my upcoming trip to Tanzania (Have Passport, Will Travel) with my dad after the death of my Aunt Ann.  Unfortunately, I never did post about that amazing trip!  That will be next on my list of things to do on this blog!  Since then, I have also traveled with my husband and my mother to Italy.  It was incredible as well!  I also got a promotion at work…we won’t talk about that because my blog is designed to NOT be about work!

However, I do want to touch on the pandemic.  I’ve decided to call it the Virus That Shall Not Be Named.  It has affected so many lives in so many negative ways.  While I don’t want to get into the specifics of work, let me just say that lately I have been feeling a little bit of a loss.  I had many “high octane” days in the battle  zone and now that things are winding down I have found it has been difficult to assimilate back into normal life.  (well not normal life….will it ever be normal again really?). Have you felt the same?  I wonder!  I think a lot of people are feeling a little lost.  We have lost our normal way of life, experienced minor inconveniences (off brand toilet paper) that in some cases have become bigger, we have lost some security whether or not in our own finances at least in the overall economic health of our community and our nation.  There is a lot of uncertainty around us.  And there are other people out there that are really suffering….loss of jobs, loss of health, loss of family….just so much loss.

So it was really helpful for me to read this article:  Relieving Worry and Frustration During a Pandemic by Dr. T. Craig Isaacs, Clinical Psychology.  I wanted to share this with all of you as well.  I think there is sound advice in there even if you aren’t a religious person.  Live in today…in the WHAT IS, not the WHAT IF.  I think it is important for us to find our purpose in all of this.  I loved the quote ” working to help another is good medicine.”  So here I am, trying to spread this good medicine to all of you, because it certainly helped me when I hit the wall this past week.

We will get through this….we will prevail.  We always do!  My job (outside of my job) will be to write….share some amazing stories that I have be delayed in sharing, finding a diversion for myself, and hopefully for you, and limiting the toxic things that are eating at our conscientious right now….media, social media, and did I say media….

Stay strong, be safe, have faith!

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Surviving Single Parenthood

My kids are all grown now, 30, 28, and 22 year olds.  I’m very proud that they are all finding success and love in their life, pursuing their careers and their dreams, and no one went to jail or had issues with addiction.  I consider myself lucky.

I was a single mom for 12 years and those were really hard years.  When I say Surviving Single Parenthood, it’s not only the survival of the parent but also the survival of the child.  Unfortunately, the statistics out there don’t favor a lot of success on either end.

According to Census.gov in 2016, a majority of children still lived with two parents in the household (69%) with the next largest segment living with a single mom at 23%.  This number more than tripled from 1960 when that percentage was 8%.

Children of single parent households frequently grow up with a disadvantage of not having the same financial means of children from two parent households.  They are also more likely to experience poverty, lower high school graduation rates, and higher levels of unemployment than their two parent peers.

I have no idea how we survived each other looking back.  It was just so damn hard.  But I’m so thankful that we did.  I love them so much.

I think what made all the difference was my perseverance around getting an education.  I went to school for a year to become a Licensed Vocational Nurse. After working for a while in that role, I went to school to get my Bachelor’s degree in nursing.  I had help with Pell grants, student loans, WIC, food stamps, and the occasional and rare child support check.  But even with all of those resources, it was hard.  Many times, I dug change out of the couch, or found a dollar bill in a jacket, hawked some item just so I could pay a bill or buy bread and peanut butter.  I worked while I went to school for my bachelor’s degree and I would cart my kids around in our mini-van while I made home health visits before and after school.  I would leave the kids in the van with the windows open to color, play games, argue, or whatever.  I just didn’t have any other choice.

One semester, I didn’t get my student loan in time and there was no way I was going to be able to make the rent for the next two months.  I broke down and called my mom and said to her that I needed to send my two children to her (my youngest wasn’t born yet).  I told her that was my only choice as I would have to go stay in a dorm, couch surf, or live in a dumpster to finish that semester.  It wouldn’t be forever just to finish the semester.

My mom wanted me to move back to Texas at that time but that would’ve meant me giving up school and taking a chance of losing many of my credits.  I just couldn’t bear to do that.  I had worked so hard already to get there.  I didn’t want to be without my kids for two months either but I felt it was a sacrifice I would have to make to get through.

But I want you to hear what I was willing to do.  I was willing to live in the alley with my children at my mom’s house until I could finish that semester.  I really think this is the reason that we survived….I had a pathological determination to finish what I had started.

My mom was able to reach out to my dad (they were divorced) and convince him to assist her in helping me out with $500.  That’s all I needed to make it to the next semester and my next student loan disbursement.  I’m eternally grateful to my parents for that bail out.  I would’ve done whatever it had taken to get through that semester though.

As a result, I finished college 2 years later and became a registered nurse.  I was the first person in my family on both sides to obtain a college degree.

That education changed my life, improved my trajectory, and enabled me and my children to overcome the many obstacles and downsides of being raised in a single parent household because I was also raised in a single parent home.  It was still hard raising those kids.  Later I remarried, had my last child and several years later found myself alone again but with three.  If I hadn’t finished that degree, I’m not sure I would’ve survived that second go around at single parenthood.

Never underestimate the power of tenacity.  You know the great Winston Churchill once said, “when you’re going through hell, just keep going” and “never, ever, ever give up.”  He was a smart man.